so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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