eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
