we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
