white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
