her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
