I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
