I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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