I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
