do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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