3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
