If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
