you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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