I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
