'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
