Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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