Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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