Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
