please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
