so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
