you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
