i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
