A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
