My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize