Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
