you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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