If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
