i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
