I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
