I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize