doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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