just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
