I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
