But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
