Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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