you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
