Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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