remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
