I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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