Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize