You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
