Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
