I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
