You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
