What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
