I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
