and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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