i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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