I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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