Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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