Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
