i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize