Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
