There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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