youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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