do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
