um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
