It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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