remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
