Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's get the cat blown out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
