Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We were destined to go to rehab together
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
