so that wasnt chicken after all
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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