I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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