Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
