i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
