so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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