He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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