My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
