so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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