I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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