What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
