I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
