So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
